Absolution in moments

Some events in life change the way you think. The event itself could be trivial but the associations will last long, forever. It influences one in a very profound manner.It is virtually impossible to exemplify or chronicle such events.Because whatever you say or write always falls short of what you feel.And sometimes by explaining, you take away the real depth of what you feel. As someone said,'nothing can take away the way I feel for u' in a different context though.

One such experience over the weekend.

Absolute Silence ,Absolute Freedom... to feel these is to feel life.
Even if the feeling is momentary, it is worth every miniscule of that moment.

Let life live itself...

Who am I ?
What is a job ?
Why is home a home and office an office ?
Who are these people around me ?
Why does Friday mean happy and Monday sad ?
Why is it that soemtimes strangers understand me better than people who know me ?
(or do I think they know me ?)
Why does it hurt sometimes thinking of someone ?
Why do memories make me happy yet sad ?
What is my family and what do they mean to me ?
Why does it worry when mom is not well ?
Why does Dad wait for me at the gate everyday when I get back from work ?
When am unwell, why does sis call every 1 hour while some people dont even bother ?
Why do I age ? Why couldnt I stay young forever ? Why is my age so important to people ?
Why shud my head throb in pain when am stressed ?
Why does the heart beat faster when I see something beautiful and magnificent ?
Why do some conversations make me want to soar high and fly and some make me want to start all over again ?
Why am I paid so much for doing this job while a
poor house-maid strives 7 days a week to earn 1/15th of what I do ?
Why am I single at 31 ? ( thanks to some ppl ,am asking this question myself !!)
Why does not being able to sing hurt so badly ?
Why does one line of hindolam sound like heaven ?
Why does witnessing a dead body make me philosphical ?
Why does rasam taste so good when I have fever ?
Why does it feel so good after coming from a swim ?
Why is it that life is beautiful and painful ?
Why do people call me 'Rekha'? What is in my name ? Why do I care ?
Why is it that when I smile everyone hover around but when I cry everyone stays away ?
Why should I always struggle for small,little things too, while some people sit pretty and things come knocking ?
Why should luck not favor me once ?
Why should I always be careful, calculated, regulated and abiding ?
Why should a mistake from me cause damage worth years of my youth ?
Why should I laugh or cry at all ?
Why should I have an opinion ?
Why should my thoughts matter to this vast vast universe ?
If I were to leave this world today, would it matter ?
If I cease to work,would my office close down ?
If I stop being a friend, would my friends care ?
so......
what is this all about ?

Many such questions in mind for the last few days. My Answer :- Because I want them that way!! My answers are always what I want them to be. To "think more" means more "inhibition", so from today onwards I risk the life of not "thinking too much" and giving life a damn chance to live itself...

( Inspired by a heart-to-heart talk with Sundari...thanks my dear for a few precious momentsof ur worthy life)

she is deaf but I dint listen...

ever tried talking to a completly deaf person ? my first experience today :) . My ex-maid came down on a courtesy visit . She is an old woman and grows deafer by the day... she must have reached deafness level 100% today. well, what an experience that was.. all I can tell u is that at the end of my animated, loud conversation with her,I felt my lungs would burst open and all oxygen inside spill over her face !!
At the end of it all, I remembered one thing my grandpa used to say 'never shout to a deaf person,go closer to them and speak in a normal tone'. Grandpa, you are always right...well almost always...I dint listen to ur advice.

Conspiracy thoeries and Cosmic effects...

Picked up Robin Sharma's 'The Monk who sold his Ferrari' yesterday from Landmark. Believe me when I tell you I have been evading this book for its gyaan-giving-content ( I sometimes loathe such books ) till now. It is easy to get bored with such books. Size does matter!! Somehow the fatness of such books coupled with my own self(over ??) confidence that I know all these things :) has kept me away from this one. As they say( as the book says ), when something has to happen, the entire universe will conspire to make that happen..( I love the word conspire here ) I noticed this book for the first time in the payment counter ( funny that I had picked up 'Europe on Shoe-string' originally) and something in me ( a subconsious urge it must have been !) just grabbed this and got it billed. I think I was destined to read this one and the universe consipired eh ? ( Coincidence-theory pundits,go away,go away..:) just kidding, you might wanna try and stress test ur beliefs with this book ? )

In life, everything we 'need' is around us(note the word 'need') and yet we miserably fail to take notice. An eye-opener this one... It is quite an art to pack heavy duty funda in a small book of this size. And Robin Sharma is probably the only guy I have seen whose sex appeal lies in his bald head :)
a handful on this planet with looks that can kill and brains that can kill twice over, I suppose..

Where The Mind is Without Fear

It is tough to not feel patriotic when one hears the National Anthem,it makes me want to be an Indian,forver. To be patriotic is old fashioned and uncool for some :), for me it is a fashion statement!!
On this day, as we celebrate 'Republic of India',it is worth the time taken to remember the great man's immortalised offering...

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow
domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the
dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought
and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-Rabindranath Tagore

P.S :- Let us vow to do our bit..

single at 31....

some idiot ( who is all of 23 years ) is stupid enough to ask me why am single at 31 :) he also wants to know how tall am,as if that matters to his existence :) I pity all these young things who have not much to do in life..
At 23, I was sensible enough not waste time sending crazy messages to strangers asking them why they were single at 31!! I had better ideas for my life dude.Today when am 31 ( that must be 'old' for you guys right ? ) , my decisions then,have made me what am and I have absolutely no regrets understand ?

maybe I hate men?
maybe I did not do the right things to get a guy to marry me when I was 23 ?
maybe I was too busy making mistakes ?
maybe I was too honest and emotional ?

dude, does that answer your question ? i really pity you!!!
now shut up and go get a life..when you are 31, I shall ask you some questions, prepare yourself to answer them ok ?

random thoughts on Monday morning....

felt bored to come to work..esp when weekend was cozy and nice at home...
bought a new cellphone Samsung.. all flashy and colorful but I miss my Nokia..nothing is more sophisticated than simplicity for sure :)
heard a keeravani RTP of Unnikrishnan on the way to work..simply superb..Unni's music is nostalgic, pity his music got overshadowed with playback singing..
on a saving spree now, this damn cell phone skewed it up a bit...dreams of Europe in distant corners of the mind.. this year my predictions say i shall travel places.. now thats what I call user-friendly predictions..
my finances in order.... trying to sell some stock but greed is overtaking me all the time... :)