Depression time - time for a chocolate..

Having embarked on this journey to 'not expect from anyone',especially from people I love is a tough journey, am realizing. It is worth the effort yes, for it has made me me a more patient human being,understanding,a lot empathising and less egoistical. Also,the biggest advantage in having no expectations is that people don't fear coming close to you. :) A single woman is feared the most,I can tell from experience.

But at times, I have this really 'insane self' as I call it,surfacing up and causing hurt,a pain I can't explain. I feel proud of having my emotions in control but the price paid is a fight internally within myself.When I was younger,I was more brash and an emotional outpour was as easy as lighting a match. Over the years,I have learnt to 'keep it inside' as they say. But the voice of the subconsious haunts me,tries its best to destroy my self-created image of 'being in control'. It encourages me to expect,hurt and lose my self-control. It attempts to make me a 'not-so-nice' person. Thankfully,everytime me and my self fight, me wins :), so far,so good!

I want to go away to some place faraway, to the mountains maybe, and just stay as is. Someplace where I can hear only nature's voices and not mine,where there is nothing to expect from people. Somewhere on this planet where my subconsious-self has no say at all ? Is there a place like that ?

Am tired,not exactly depressed but you could call that.I need a chocolate,a bar of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut might be a good start. :) Afterall, there is a positive side to every damn thing in this universe.. Can you see me smiling now ?