T V Shankaranarayanan at Fort

I attended TVS Kutcheri yesterday at Fort High school, infact my first one this season(curse my lack of time management,my IPod which has better concerts than what we can ever get now and ofcourse Anand Ganapathy whose music sharing virtue is beyond words),not considering Nityasree's concert as a concert that is. More on that some other time. In short Nityasree is not appealing at all(pity the great DKP-DKJ baani), for some reason no josh in her singing.

Coming back to yesterday's concert,the concert list is as follows :-

1. Vinayaka kriti(I forgot the kriti,damn!) - Hamsadwani
2. Sogasujooda Tarama - Kannadagowla
3. Sakala graha bala neene - Atana
4. Paramapavana Rama - Purvikalyani
5. Abhaya Varade Sharade - Hindolam
6. Maa janaki - Kambhoji

I could not stay longer than this due to the lashing rains. Infact,hindolam was not so enjoyable because of the rains lashing and pitter-patter sound :( But somehow,the atmosphere was one of gaiety and his enthusiasm to sing without the rains affecting him in the least was exemplary. TVS stands tall as an artiste who continues to sing in orthodox style in this age of neo-carnatic-classicism.

Personally,it was an hour and half of 'peace of mind',something I'm willing to pay for also.. The mandali has changed quite a bit in the years,wooden floors which creak and irritate ,especially when you are engrossed in a complex alapanam or niraval and an electronic ticker that shows the next day's programme all the time. Nice lighting also. The pandals leak a bit still when it rains. The chairs are placed too close to one another. Space, space... I want to hear the artiste and not my neighbour's breathing :) Anyways, idols of Lord Sri Rama,Sita,Lakshmana and Hanuman prostrating is still the same, resplendent and colourful.The arati-giving tradition continues and the fragrance of flowers near the VIP entrance obviously there. One thing missing was the snacks stall - the guy selling potato chips,etc :(
On the whole, Sree Rama Seva Mandali,Fort High School is always dearest to my heart.
Next week is full of excellent concerts. Hope I don't miss!

Depression time - time for a chocolate..

Having embarked on this journey to 'not expect from anyone',especially from people I love is a tough journey, am realizing. It is worth the effort yes, for it has made me me a more patient human being,understanding,a lot empathising and less egoistical. Also,the biggest advantage in having no expectations is that people don't fear coming close to you. :) A single woman is feared the most,I can tell from experience.

But at times, I have this really 'insane self' as I call it,surfacing up and causing hurt,a pain I can't explain. I feel proud of having my emotions in control but the price paid is a fight internally within myself.When I was younger,I was more brash and an emotional outpour was as easy as lighting a match. Over the years,I have learnt to 'keep it inside' as they say. But the voice of the subconsious haunts me,tries its best to destroy my self-created image of 'being in control'. It encourages me to expect,hurt and lose my self-control. It attempts to make me a 'not-so-nice' person. Thankfully,everytime me and my self fight, me wins :), so far,so good!

I want to go away to some place faraway, to the mountains maybe, and just stay as is. Someplace where I can hear only nature's voices and not mine,where there is nothing to expect from people. Somewhere on this planet where my subconsious-self has no say at all ? Is there a place like that ?

Am tired,not exactly depressed but you could call that.I need a chocolate,a bar of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut might be a good start. :) Afterall, there is a positive side to every damn thing in this universe.. Can you see me smiling now ?

kis kis ne kis kis ko KISS kiya...

what's the big deal in a kiss man ? Men and women all over the world are kissing away to glory. What is so different(read as special) about a Richard Gere kissing a Shilpa Shetty ? Agreed,it was an uncalled-for occasion but the hormones don't really think about occasions, do they ? The media should stop filming such kisses and other public displays of physical affection.It doesn't really matter,you see. The world is a much freer place now and most normal adults or teenagers have witnessed or have been part of a passionate kiss at some point in their life. :) Be it on silver screen or in life's real screen, we all have seen better kisses,haven't we ? So much fuss for something that happens all over the world on a daily basis, is utterly stupid. And for all that, honestly, it wasn't even a nice kiss :) Man!,he was trying to grab everyone's attention by grabbing her and making a big mockery of himself as she was trying to free herself initially from his clutches but later gave in to his frenzied nonsense. All along,putting up a fake smile on her million dollar face :) Poor Shilpa,somehow she covered up,Richard Gere afterall! Scored a brownie point on her 'Page-3-Resume' she did! Or did she enjoy it ? I dunno, I thought she had the expression of 'I have been kissed better, you old fool!' look on her face.

As far as Richard Gere is concerned, I suggest he give up all this spiritual Buddhist thing and start living like a man!,he looks deprived of you-know-what ? But why ? He could get any woman on this planet,why poor Ms 'Celebrity Big Boss'? Ooops!, a small correction, he could get any woman on this planet but ME :) Not me, this guy doesn't even know how to kiss well,sorry I deserve someone better!!

Well,so much for kissing escapades of big people. Can't figure out why in Varanasi and other places people protested this event ? Why,in the land of Kamasutra, do we object to any sexual act as if it is a religious sin ? Why do we, who knew how to enjoy better sex, than rest of the world, care a damn for an ordinary common-place activity ?

Gear up,O media channels! there are better news to cover. No, I don't mean your goddamn sex-surveys,those suck equally and they are absolutely false! I mean,bigger problems like AIDS(everyone forgot the event that led to the KISS!),lack of sex-education,domestic violence and all kinds of crimes. When are we gonna come out of Page-3 stories to real-life trauma ? When are we going to stop peeking into the bedrooms of the rich and famous and figure out the real problems in common bedrooms ?

This country is on a wild-goose chase, thanks to its ever-blabbering media.

Beautiful world in a book - National Geographic

Lay my hands on a 'National Geographic',the real book,over the weekend. It has been years since I picked up an 'NG' from Indian Institute of World Culture library. This time however,I purchased the book from my newspaperwallah. First thing that excites me about this magazine are the pictures. Photography of the best kind I have ever seen. The articles are unparalleled ofcourse,though I must say,the magazine is less heavier now.

An excellent article worth mentioning in this issue is the 'decreasing fish schools' in major fishing beds of this planet. The article highlighted the Blue fin Tuna and its diminishing population.It is going to be tough for those who survive on fishing.

Another really nice feature was about the last surviving 'green belt' of the world, the Priaries. Awesome pictures. On animals,there was one on Leopards. Unlike other wild creatures, these wild cats live alone, hunt alone. The feature very beautifully described the formative years of a baby leopard upto the time it fights with its mom and walks away on its own :) Some human resemblance there :)

An annual subscription request is on its way to Hong Kong...

a year later...

A year has passed since our dear 'Annauru' left us to enter heavenly abode. It seems like only yesterday the riots happened,tarnishing the funeral ceremony and robbing the grieving family of their privacy. However,today the city seems to be actually mourning his loss. I saw posters all over on the way to work. Kanteerva stadium is going to have a big event today. I'm glad the film fraternity is doing this.

Dr Rajkumar may be no more but he lives eternally amongst us. For as they say,it is impossible to remove someone from one's thoughts. Memories of the golden age of kannada cinema often flood us and the figure that flashes across the screens of the mind is Dr Rajkumar!

I dedicate this blog to him. Today shall be spent listening to his songs :) as a mark of respect!

suno sajna....

My previous attempt at learning to sing an old hindi movie song was around a decade ago. It all ended with college. Just last week I picked up a wonderful CD pack(5 nos) of none other than Lata Mangeshkar. All hits, almost all, I can say. A priceless collection, am proud to have.

It did not stop here..I was tempted to learn a song again. Not just the sing-along types but a serious effort to pick the nuances too. What an effort that is, for me, I just realized. Especially now, my voice has become a typical suited-for-carnatic,no regrets about that ofcourse, but I think people who know Indian classical music well can relate to what am saying.

Anyways, I tried 'Suno sajna papihene'. Having heard only the mukhda earlier,it was really new to me. It takes only a genius to sing this song,a better genius to compose this song and a really really superb effort to compose the music. Flawless,thats all! (Until the song started out from my vocal cords :) )

Finally, after 3 days of continous car-stereo,home music system and office comp looping this song for me,I managed to get some lines technically correct,though not musically :) Trust me, a car is the best place to learn a song for it serves as an excellent feedback monitor!(windows closed ofcourse)

For those who have heard this song and remember it,the line 'Ghadiya piya milan ki'.. is a jaaru gamakam,the toughest for me :( and similar lines in the other mukhdas.The easiest was 'Ke aaye din bahaar ke', somehow.

I have not and shall never get it 100%(because there is only one Lata Mangeshkar!), however, I have immensely enjoyed this learning experience. Even a 'jhalak' of exactness to the original means I'M HAPPY' :)-

how much thought-provoking is 'Provoked' ?

Watched the movie 'Provoked' yesterday. For once, Aishwarya Rai has done an excellent job. The role had no need of histronics,hence our Ms Rai was able to carry it off so well, the subdued,scared,stiff Indian wife. Jag Mundhra might be a soft-porn/porn director but with this movie, he has shown a real issue very well. I don't want to play spoil-sport by retelling the tale. Also, because I recommend this movie,especially to the women out there!

Domestic violence,sexual assault,physical abuse,in-house rape is a realistic issue our society is facing,globally. The feminists might say 'Men are dogs' and blame them for this. On the contrary, I realized that the cause(and I mean the root cause!) for this is a WOMAN herself!

Women readers,don't be surprised, don't blame the men all the time. Instead, as socially responsible entities, can we do the following ?

1. Firstly,as wives,girlfriends or fiancees, we should NOT PUT UP with any form of violence from the stronger sex. If a man abuses us, just walk out and tell the whole world about it.(Watch the movie and see that if Kiranjit could do it, we could too!)
2. As sisters,let our brothers know that a woman from another household is just like one of us, and that if he cannot tolerate us being beaten up, then he should not do the same to another girl.
3. As friends,put it across to our men-friends that a woman is a human being first and to accord respect to a human being is more important than a succesful career or anything else in this world. If a man doesn't treat us well, just GET OUT and spill the beans! The world should beware of such people.
4. Most importantly, as mothers,bring up our sons to regard a woman and love her but DO NOT support any form of violence from his side. It is high time we stop the 'Beta hua hain','ghar ka chiraag','perpetrator of our lineage' attitude. This bloody virus is,IMO,the root cause for this disease.
5.As women,wherever there is domestic violence found, rise up to the occasion in some way,instead of warding it off with a 'cant be helped' nod. We need our men, yes, but we don't need them to hit us, we need them to give us support,respect and love.
Say this to a man :- 'I need U for a SHOULDER' (copied from the movie dialogue...)

sports and people.

Sports is probably man's best known passion. Olympics stand proof of that. To play a game/sport is by itself an exhilarating activity. Watching a sport is great fun and de-stressing (provided it is done with sporting spirit!). Someone was not wrong when they said it is primarily a mind-driven activity,especially at world-class level. Yesterday watched several vidoes of World swimming championships on youtube(thanks to DBT's one blog!).Phelps was truly amazing and so was Liesel Jones and everyone out there. The power of discipline,hard-work,stamina and grit clearly marks a world-class player from the rest.I was so happy to see those people swim so well.Especially now,when I'm struggling with a simple breathing technique,I'm able to completly appreciate this so much better. FIFA last year was another reminder of the marvel of human spirit.
Having watched Navaratilova, Chris Evert,Lendl,Edberg,Sampras,Sabatini,Seles ,Agassi,Becker and THE STEFFI GRAF in those formative years went a long way in inculcating "LOVE for SPORTS" and for me,I look upto these greats. They are my biggest inspiration. Not to forget our Gavaskar,Kapil and all those cricketers who were and are still my heroes. These very people helped me build my own dreams.Watching them, I learnt the importance of stamina,mental strength ,concentration ,handling pressure and discipline. Thanks to these sports channels, we have access to almost every sport in the world - tennis,chess,badminton,billiards and ofcourse cricket, and many more too. I feel everyone of us need to associate ourselves to some sport atleast. There is so much one can learn from these superstars who have made it big with their dedication and perseverance. It is easy to think they had better opportunities than us,but in the end what matters is they went that extra mile in creating those opportunities for themselves while the rest of us simply waited for miracles to happen to us. They created their miracles and their destinies while we put it all on DESTINY.

If I were to live my life all over again, I choose to devote atleast 2 hours of my day to playing some game or sport and a lot more travelling to sporting destinations, across the globe. Pramod,prepare yourself to receive me soon :) I'm envious of you re...

I list down my favourite stars from my growing years. These are the ones I have known and am sure there is a bigger lot out there. It is to all of them, I dedicate this one.

1. Krish Srikkanth - the first cricketer I watched when I was in class 3 or 4.
2. Sir Viv Richards - The unforgettable LION of world cricket.
3. Ravi Shastri - the only star I have fallen madly in love with. He was the MAN :) yes, am talking of that first hero-worship crush of mine,the only-one perhaps..
4. Martina Navratilova - until I saw her, I thought only men played sports :)
5. Andre Agassi - the hippie with an attitude ,his energy was awesome.
6. Gabriela Sabatini - The glamorous girl on tennis courts who could stun THE STEFFI too..
7. Florence Griffith Joyner - 1988 Olympics(?) women's 100M in 9 something seconds (if my memory is right ).She was my idol those days. I would bow to her pic I had stuck up on my wall before going to my sports day event at school. (I was a track and field athlete at school for those who dont know !)
8. Sergie Bubka, Garry Kasparov,the Russian gymnasts - defined skill over power, aesthetics over athletic and more..
9. Matt Biondi - a swimmer I knew then.I wish I had got inspired then :(
10. Deigo Maradona - never watched football till I was in college but I remember reading about this guy as a kid..
11. The one and only STEFFI GRAF - It is difficult to discuss an icon, a legend, the personification of grace and skill,the silent killer among them all.She is my best till date..

This is not a best list,this is just my-list. I would love it if some sports buff adds his fave out here...

Some reality probably ?

I have to tell this encounter I just had, half-an hour ago. I took an auto to work today as I had left my car at office last night. I waited for about 20 mins for an auto, very unusual in my area I thought as I was waiting,but in retrospect,I think I was destined to get into this auto KA05-3952 something. You will soon know why.

I left home in not-so-good a mood having had a counselling session with my mom on the usual-holy matrimony,what else!! As I sat in the auto, my mind was pre-occupied with so many confusing thoughts and emotions,I sometimes wonder why I haven't got accustomed to,it has been years now.. oops am digressing..well,I was preoccupied and a few involuntary tears were trying to escape my kohl-lined eyes in desperation.

Suddenly,I hear a voice asking me 'what time is it ?'. It was the auto-driver asking me for the time. I replied promptly, '10.40'. He then says 'I had to go and get an injection at 10.30 and have been trying to accumulate enough money for it since morning'. The tears stood still, they decided to stay back in my eyes when they heard this. I asked him 'what for?' He told me he had blood cancer and was diagonised a week ago. He ran his hand over his forehead indicating 'fate',whatever. I did not know what to say,what to believe.Could this be a guy who was playing a trick to get some extra money ? I don't know! He then says,'I haven't told this to anyone but you,I'm also a brahmin,an Udupi brahmin,I quit my job and took this up,I lost my mother about 2 months ago and my wife about 10 days ago.' I was dumbfounded. This man was telling a story I thought, but something inside me told 'No,no one can lie to this extent,it must be true'.It was too fantastic to be true, but I decided not to judge.I was sitting in his auto,having no choice but to listen to his side of things.Somehow,maybe my state of mind or the human in me,I can't figure out, I was trusting every word of his.I had no way of verifying his story though.The way he said 'am also a brahmin',made me wonder,how and why being a brahmin mattered to that person. Was he trying to make me relate using the caste-bonding ? I dunno. By now, I understood that at the end of the trip,I would have to part with a few more rupee notes than required.I had to, I would have anyways..

There was still an aorta of doubt in my mind, and I started asking him questions. I can say,I opened up.I saw less of him as a cheat and more as a human in pain with no one to help.He had no children and he was thankful for that.He had lost his entire family - wife and parents in the last 2 years.He had had a spine surgery that cost him all his savings and he showed me the mark on his back. He also had some heart-related problems and now this blood cancer in intermediate stage,I was told.
Everything was so piled up to be true,I was wondering, but sometimes,life is damn cruel,isn't it ? Why can't his story be true in every sense of the word ? He apologised to me for having spoilt my mood and told me he thought of me as someone close to relate to. I was touched because,I found some stranger trusting me with his deepest secrets and pain, when many a friend hasn't done this. I was shocked to be a part of this trust because it hurt badly. But then,I realized, this man has nothing except faith I suppose. Then he told me 'I have gone to Mantralayam and done seva to the Swami'. This was the final straw. For me, the swami of Mantralyam,Sree Raghavendra, is an epitome of truth and virtues and I trust him one hundred percent.
I couldn't help but believing every word of this man's. Not when, the Guru himself had said so,I felt.Call me weird ,dramatic and sensational,maybe I'm all this..

The Oracle building came into sight and I knew the toughest moment had come for him and for me. If he were an honest man,I knew it would be tough to ask for more money in these circumstances.Any man with integrity will find it tough. For me,it was a question of belief, between truth and falsehood. If this was a drama, I had supported a crime in my weakest moment and my biggest fear was 'I did not know enough'.. he asked me for 200 Rs explicitly for his injection and promised to return it.I simply took it out and handed it to him. I asked him to take care and trust in God and the Mantralayam Swami. I walked into the building and displayed my badge to the security.

I had blindly trust the words of a stranger. Forgive me Oh Lord if I have committed a crime.

(I was thinking about 'TRUST' which my mom spoke about in an arranged marriage...)

The writer in me..

I must thank my blog-readers for who they are, for what they are, for reading my thoughts,commenting,for sharing that perspective or denying them. I have ironed out the creases by writing. My thoughts are falling into place, especially the negative ones seem to disappear magically the moment,I put them on internet-paper.I never really knew how powerful writing can be,no matter how prolific or ordinary it is. Since last few days,I have wanted to write a bestseller(probable!),an extraordinarily over-confident me, I agree. Theoritically, if I were to write a book,let me pen down atleast a few titles :

1. Rich chocolate cake - Truths about raising..
(Self-deprecating humor on my cake baking stints in the past listing atleast 100 dont's)

2. Parents never grow up - not now,not forever...
(A war of words/worlds describing the best relationship in this world ? )

3. The mind sees what it wants to see...
(Psychological thriller maybe..not sure still.)

4.Arranged-marriage - how to say 'YES' in one day..
(A thorough analysis of how to say 'YES' and why not to say 'YES',paradoxical to the core.)

5.The art of negative-hope -
(Complete guide to hoping/doing something that you don't wish to happen so that Murphy's Law acts quick and fast.. )

One/five more additions to the heap of self-help books on this planet..

Disclaimer : If any of these titles exist,I dont want to do a la Kavya Vishwanathan...